Boards - CHECK!

I am happy to announce that I am done my step one for boards. Well, hopefully, because it was so hard I hope I passed! eek!

I haven't had time to post since I wrote boards since I have been so incredibly busy. I have moved my stuff out of my apartment, changed all of my addresses, changed my bank, send off some stuff, had my pre-op physical, and written boards, all within two days! Man, so many things that are changing.

I have been so busy that I haven't had time for all of this to hit me.

I will definitely post more about my board examination, but I am not in the mood to rehash my feelings toward this ridiculous exam. That is what it is! I think that if I had studied for another month that it wouldn't have made any difference. Blah. At least it is over! :) Now I have re-entered society. :)

Strange But True

So earlier this week I was a nervous wreck. Honestly, I was sick to my stomach-worried with fear of failing. I was frantic and anxious. But now that I have poured my entire last few days into really cramming the minute details into my brain, I feel a lot better. I figure, I have done what I could and now the rest is dependent upon what questions the exam throws my way. I am unsure if this is good or not, but I feel a lot better. Don't get me wrong, I am extremely nervous still, but I am not going to get sick over it; I will do my best and see what happens.

After boards, I get to become human again. yay! Well, on second thought, I get to be human for a week and three days because then I have surgery which will put me into a drug-induced stupor for a week or so, then I will re-emerge from my narcotic blur and hopefully begin recouping my hip and then, yet again, I become human :)

And Breathe

Oh man, I really need to get boards over and out of my life. I hate this stress. And everybody here is just the same which compounds the problem. I've only studied my butt off for two years and now it boils down to this eight hour exam on anything and everything. I really just want to pass and move on with rotations because I know that nothing gets worse than this in medical school. Really, it can't.

I can't study at school because the other people talk too much about boards and it makes me nervous. I can study at home, but not for too long because then I start to get into a cyclical pattern of bipolar-like behaviour: thinking I'll pass one minute to crying the next because I am scared that I'll fail. Today a friend and I studied for a couple hours at a coffee shop. That seemed to be exactly what I needed - being around people, but not all-stressed-out-medical-student-freaks! I have come to the conclusion that we are all freaks. All type A personality freaks who really, really care about board exams. In fact, I think that we care too much. I know I do. I am having such a hard time eating that I can't wait to feel hungry again. I feel nauseous so often that I am afraid of getting an ulcer so I bought some Pepto Bismol to take to prevent this. Oh man, that does sound like I am not handling this well at all. I just hate the fact that I somatasize my stress. Thank the Lord that there is less than a week left of this and then I can live. Phew!

What I did today: memorized 10 pages of fungus, learned about HIV, did 120 micro questions and reviewed them, read OMM board book for 6.5 hours, and passed a level on Angry Birds on which I have been stuck for a week. Successful day.

I Hate This

I have 5 more days of studying and 6 more days until I write my first board exam. And I absolutely hate preparing for it. Honestly, the information is interesting (some stuff is useless but the board thinks it is necessary that we know it) but the stress that comes with this is horrendous! I hate, HATE feeling so nervous and anxious all of the time. I wake up with a knot in my stomach and I feel sick all of the time. I am never hungry but I force myself to eat. I have started dreaming about the boards now. Ahhhh, I just want it over with! But I have so much to cram yet, that I really can't afford to have them any sooner. I have become a bipolar person too; one minute I feel like I can conquer this feat and get it out of my life while the next I feel like I am going to fail. Ugh. At the beginning of this I wanted to be in the top 50% of the people taking it, but now, I wanna pass.

Well, if I keep writing I'll just keep complaining, so I should stop and get into my studying for the day. Only a few more days of this before I can become human again.

What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

I am afraid that I am gonna be one strong person when I survive these board exams since they are really testing my ability to memorize, understand, and to remain sane.

Today was great though, my friends and I took a study break and we went out to lunch at a diner that we love to go to. We LOVE their over-priced cinnamon buns. Honestly, I dont' know anywhere else that I would spend four bucks on a dessert! But they are wonderful and it was great to get out with friends and see humans again.

It is pretty warm here studying in my room. I have to often study sitting on a heating pad to alleviate muscle spasms in my lower back (presumably from my bum hip), so it is a wonderful combo of heat + heating pad = very hot studying! Ah well, only 9 more days of studying and 3 more weeks with a bum hip!

Time is flying so fast, I can barely keep up!

I will now go back to studying and eating my frozen twinkie! :)

The Stress Meter Rises

Board exams are approaching and everything seems to get more and more stressful. I put in full days studying and then feel guilty when I am not studying. It is a viscious cycle. I write my boards on June 27th. I really want it to come and be over with, but I also wish I had more time to study. But, I could study my entire life and still not get through everything. I just hope that I am going about it the right way. Basically, all I want to do is pass and anything else better is icing on top of the cake.

Some days I feel okay while other days I feel like there is no way that I will get though enough information to pass. It is a real roller coaster physically, mentally, and emotionally. I get more sensitive when I am stressed, so my roommate bugs me even more than usual. I am having trouble eating now since when I get nervous my appetite goes away. (But don't worry Grampa, I am still forcing myself to eat!! LOL). I just want boards out of my life so that I can move on.

I keep telling myself that people at the very bottom of the class still pass. And I am not at the bottom of our class, so, I should pass, right? It is difficult to determine since my practice scores are all over the place: 73% one day and 49% the next. It really depends on the questions. I think that everybody should start praying that the exam I take has questions that are on concepts that I know! (or at least can guess the answer).

I thought the MCAT was bad, but this is another beast! A beast I want out of my life! (but not too soon, since I have to get through so much before I write it!)

Well, I have 5 pages left to read of the review book I am currently getting through, so good night and sorry for the boards rant. It is just a very stressful time :S

So this is what bored studying is.

No, I didn't spell the title of my post incorrectly. I believe that board studying should be called bored studying! I am sick and tired of board studying that I really hope I last another 2 weeks strong. Blah.

You know, often times you hear about doctors and surgeons being 'board-certified' in their specialty and nobody really pays attention to it. My goodness, everybody in the entire world should think - 'Oh wow! That is awesome!" hehehehe. After putting in steady 12 - 14 hour days of studying, multiple days in a row, it kinda gets old. Oh well. It doesn't last forever and in 2 weeks and 3 days I will be home free and done with this studying (hopefully) FOREVER!

Although I get a really long (unwanted) summer, it will be nice to decompress after I am finished with this portion of my medical education. Hopefully get a nice tan whilst sitting in the sun (with or without that lovely hip brace I have to wear all summer!)

Well, I am off to bed now. Catching some REM, to make some neuronal connections in order to consolidate all of the neurology I have learned into my hippocampus. Oh neurology - the love hate relationship we have.... it will endure for a lifetime!

Building Character and Making Memories

I had this as my Facebook status and thought that it would make a good title for a post here. Firstly, let me apologize for not writing for a while, things have just ramped up to a new level. I am in the midst of studying for my first step of my medical board exams. I have 19 more days before I write my 'big' test. Honestly, this might be the most stressful period of my life so far. It also doesn't help that all my friends and (almost) everybody around me is in the same boat. We all sit for 12 - 14 hours a day cramming as much information into our heads as possible in hopes of passing this stupid exam. I am not looking forward to it at all! I hope that I pass and will do everything in my power so that I pass. Plus I'll be praying and looking to higher powers as well :) And....I wouldn't mind your prayers either :)

I have been studying since 9:00 this morning and took a few breaks but learned a lot. I have had to revamp my preparation schedule so that I alleviate as much stress on myself as I can. I seem to have a hard time doing questions and not knowing what the answers were (because I haven't studied that section) and then going back and looking up the correct answers. It stressed me out, so I decided (along with consultation with the person who helps me cope with this most - Love You!!) that I would study for a couple of days straight and then amp up my question amount after. It works out that I do the same number of practice questions, but I hopefully will be less stressed. Sigh, I can't wait for these next couple of weeks to be over and have the step one board exam OUT OF MY LIFE!

To make matters even better, I was studying some vascular diseases and I had it all figured out how I was going to remember Osler-Weber-Rendu disease when I flipped the page to see a Sturg-Weber disease. Why Weber, why? Why must you have discovered two diseases?!?! You should have named one of the diseases after your dog so that I could distinguish between the two in my head. Now this guy I know whose last name is Weber - he has to have two diseases in my head. ugh. I got angry, stopped reading and headed to bed.

Well, I better get to bed so that I can study my butt off again tomorrow!

Good Night Neverland!!!